Motherless Girls
Kaley is like so many girls I meet, who don’t have a great relationship with their moms. And I really love Kaley. She isn’t the popular girl. She often comes to youth group with her hair not combed, a bit unkempt. She is a loner. And when she finds me, her mouth runs on hyperspeed-batteries spilling out every random awkward detail of her sixth-grade life, thankful to have any audience.

As I scrubbed her dirt-covered feet and little toes, I asked her: “Have you ever had a pedicure?” “No, my mom usually makes me rub her feet, which is weird” (she rolled her eyes)… For the next five minutes, Kaley told me that her mom just doesn’t get her – how her mother always wants her to wear dresses, which she hates. I continued gently applying “sassy pink” swirls to each toe while absorbing every word. I was quiet. It was tender. And I knew this was what Kaley wanted from her own mom – someone to listen.

“Ah, Whatever Mom!”
What is it about our mothers that evokes such strong emotions? I know I struggled with my relationship with my mom growing up – Big TIME! Much I could blame on my “hormonal” age of seeking independence. Is it inevitable? Suddenly 13 hits and the slightest thing mom does is ANNOYING. I remember the conversations well. “How was your day?” If I even bothered to reply, it was a non-committal “fine” or “I don’t know.” Remembering my sullen attitude then gives me much more compassion for my mom now.

And yet, there are some girls I know whose moms seem to be their bffs. They actually tell their moms EVERYTHING, which I always found odd growing up. There are moms who really know their daughters- their likes, their fears. They can tell when they are having a bad day, know the “status” on each friend, and can buy the “perfect” gift as if they share a brain cell.

For those of us who struggle in our relationships with our moms, we might wonder why our moms can’t be like that. “Why doesn’t my mom get me?” “I wish she could just be cool.” “I’m better off without her.”

Do I really need my mom?
As important as our fathers are, there is a place in our lives that only a mom can fill. Still to this day, when I am sick, I want someone to rub my back, take care of me, and tell me it’s going to be ok. Our moms often provide that tender place where we can find safety and acceptance.

Moms have an important role in teaching us how to become women. From making us chew with our mouths closed, to encouraging us with secrets to getting through our “time of the month” with some kind of sanity. Our moms are our advocates. And above all, they are the givers of life. They have carried us when we were at our most vulnerable, and opened their lives to make room for us.

Honor Your Mother
Controlling. distant. busy. amazing. or nothing like us. The scriptures command us to honor our mothers regardless. Our moms carried each of us in their bodies for nine months, and they labor in love for us often, probably more times than you and I will ever recognize.

At the end of the day, remember that your mom is a person. She is a human being who has good and bad days, who sometimes loses her temper, who says the wrong thing at times and doesn’t always do it all right. But she’s your mom. She is the only mother you have, and you are called to love and respect her.

Take Mama off the Hook
As Mother’s Day approaches, I challenge you to give your mom a break. She may not be perfect; she may be frustrating, but she is doing the best she can. And I would bet she loves you very much, however imperfectly that may seem.

If you struggle in the relationship with your mom 1) pray for your mom and for the ability to love her 2) Take some time to appreciate what she does for you. 3) And have hope…

Over the years, God has done an amazing healing in my relationship with my mom. But it has taken work, prayer, and spiritual maturity, a lot of grace and patience. Ok, are there still days my mom can drive me nuts? Yup. That is part of the journey. And I can honestly say my mom is one of the most amazing women I know. I just needed the eyes to see it. Let us pray for understanding and eyes to see our moms in the light of God’s love.

Mother Mary, Pray for us and our Mothers.

My brother and I never talk about faith. The mention of “Jesus” in our everyday conversation might cause an awkward silence or a dismissive change of subject at best.  It isn’t that my brother isn’t spiritual. He respects my passion, but at the end of the day, I know he sees me as some crazy “uber-Catholic” a.k.a. “Jesus-lover”. His opinion has been made clear enough to me that it’s easier to just avoid talking about faith and religion as much as possible.

In January, this woman I didn’t really know was praying with me when something she did caused me to take notice. As she laid hands on me to pray, she asked:  “Do you have a brother?”  Confused because I came for personal prayer, I responded: “I have two…” “One of them needs your prayers,” she said with clarity. I knew immediately which brother it was. And since then my brother has been continually on my heart.

Prompting of God
God continued to prompt me to pray for my brother. I wanted to share so much about God with Him, but I didn’t want to damage what little hope I had. Would he listen? Did I have the “close” relationship to do that? Maybe my dad would be more fitting? But God kept prompting me. Eventually, I decided to just respond. I sent him a long message and text prefaced with “You might think I’m crazy…” I told him that God had put him on my heart and that I was praying for him…  My brother never responded.  I suppose I expected that my brother wasn’t going to pay any attention to his “little sister.” But I couldn’t help but wonder if my prayers and words would make some difference to him.

Kryptonite At Home
It amazes me how I can preach the gospels to complete strangers without blinking. It’s almost like my super-power. But when I come home, I feel surrounded by kryptonite.  What is it about our families that make us feel powerless to share the Good News? Is it the inevitable? Even Christ was not accepted by many in his home town. Maybe that is true for all of us. Let’s be honest, sometimes our families seem the hardest soil to break through.  And sometimes it hurts us knowing we are strangers in our own homes.

Recently I received an email from a youth crying out for prayers for her mother’s lack of faith. The girl had  just had a profound conversion at a retreat where I had spoken, but at home she felt completely alone. Surrounded by family members who don’t understand her, she asked how she could evangelize and share her faith with her mom. Of course, thoughts of my own brother came pouring in… Prayer, Love, and Patience, I told her. The words were for me as much as for her.

The Miracle of our YES
“I need to talk to you,” my brother told me this weekend.  I paused as a blanket of concern fell over me. His tone was not angry, but very certain. And there was a  sense that this was not going to be our regular chit-chat about ND football, Christmas gifts, or funny YouTube videos. This was serious.

For the next twenty minutes my brother shared his heart with me: the stress of work and life. And in the end, he wanted to thank me for a  phone call and long text I had sent him a few weeks back. “It came at the perfect time.” He said. I knew immediately what phone call and text he was speaking of. My eyes welled with tears to hear my brother talk to me about anything spiritual. And to see his tender side made me thankful that I responded to God’s promptings.

Available & Ready
Often in my ministry, I look for the great thunderbolts from God. I think we all sometimes put on our crusade “evangelization” hats and want to share big things for the Lord, but often the greatest of God’s work is in the small daily walk of love and witness.  Wherever our family is in faith, our call is to love them first, accepting them for who they are, yet working for who they one day might be with expectant faith – because nothing is impossible with God. When I think about my brother, I don’t know if he will ever not see me as an “uber-Catholic,” but I pray God touches His heart. I trust God is at work in his life, and God will meet Him as he wills. I have learned that God’s love is more powerful than any kryptonite… If we stand waiting in prayer and love, God will show up and do amazing things.

When I was around the age of 10, a heavy, horrible thunderstorm came that flooded our basement. I remember vividly my brother yelling for me to grab a shovel and come after him. A few neighborhood kids, my older brother, and I ran barefoot through the pelting rain, trying to gather dirt to dam the water streaming into basement walls. Our efforts were wasted, though: the flooding waters could not be stopped.

For the next week, long gray hoses stretching miles long ran into our basement. The hum of buzzing de-humidifiers and loud suctioning vacuums consumed the air-waves. My dad worked diligently to clean the damage. But our basement never fully recovered. It has never been the same since. For the next few years, the basement was used strictly for storage. Filled with boxes and Christmas decorations and the occasional hiding place for games with my sister, our basement became the place we rarely went into and no guest saw.  It was messy, filled with our junk, and gave off a slight mildewy odor that was best ignored by spending as little time there as possible.

The mess within our basement
Sometimes things happen to us that change our lives forever. The storms of life can come in like a wrecking ball leaving lasting effects: the loss of a loved one, divorce of parents, bullying by  grade-school friends. I still remember the hurt of being called manly by 8th-grade boys because I was already 5’ 10. Ok, reality check: Am I rocking in the fetal position thinking of what Phil Mason said to me on a yellow school bus 20 years ago? No. But I do know I battle insecurities and fears that still get triggered today. Even small hurts can leave lasting scars, wounds and fears that shape the way we think about ourselves and others.

Most of us, if you are like me, just toss those things into the basement so we don’t have to deal with them. We can hide behind our upbeat Facebook status and busy life never really dealing with what lurks in our hearts. It’s easier just putting all our “junk” (our insecurities, fears, wounds, continual sin, and failures) into a box, labeling it, and throwing it in the basement. But if that mess in the basement isn’t dealt with, and left for long, it can begin to stink.

God isn’t afraid of our Stank
Growing up, I never took anyone into my basement. It smelled funky, it wasn’t pretty, and I think I was a bit ashamed of the mess. We are so taught in our world never to show our failures and lackings. If the doorbell rings, we scour the house throwing clothes in the closet and under the bed. And sometimes we think we have to do that with God. We put on Sunday’s best and our brightest smiles to attend Mass, and we pretend that we have it all together. But under the surface, our wounds stink. When Jesus told the mourners of Lazarus to open his tomb, they said, “But Lord, the stench!” But Jesus wasn’t afraid of the stench. He knew that Lazarus would be restored to life. And He’s not afraid of your stench either. He wants to restore your heart to wholeness.

As Good Friday approaches, we may be looking ahead to the beauty of resurrection, but let’s not forget the messiness of the crucifixion. God isn’t afraid of the ugliness of suffering, the smell of death, the corruption of sin in our lives. Christ has carried the pain of our wounds through his own painful, ugly death, and He yearns to walk us through the healing power of resurrection.

What’s in your basement? …

My friend went on and on sharing the romantic story of how her tall, handsome, Catholic man proposed. Everything in her life seemed to be the stuff of her dreams . . . and mine. As she was oozing with excitement, I smiled and was happy for her, but inside I had this strange, silent but sickly feeling of envy…. TO CONT. Reading CLICK HERE!

A middle school youth told me he gave up the Wii for Lent. “Wow,” I said. “That is great!” He shrugged dismissively: “Not really. I still have my X-Box.” …Ok, that kind of defeats the purpose…

Though I grew up Catholic, I never really understood the meaning of Lent. I would give up soda-pop or chocolate. I wanted to give up homework, but my mom never let me. For me, Lent was something we just did – like a second chance at a new years’ resolution we already failed to keep three months into the year.  It was just a “nice” tradition at best, a way to help better myself. At worst, I forgot about it the moment after the Ash Wednesday smudge was washed off my forehead. But is there nothing more to this tradition? Does God really care if we give up Facebook for 40 days?

What is up with Lent?
The season of Lent is the 40 days of repentance, prayer, and alms-giving preceding Easter. The tradition comes from the 40 days Christ spent in the desert, praying and fasting before He began His ministry. It was also during this time that the devil tempted Jesus. The Scripture says that the Holy Spirit actually led Jesus into the desert for this time of preparation. But why? Why would the Holy Spirit want Jesus to endure 40 long, hot, lonely days in a dry, miserable desert? Why would that be part of God’s preparation and plan?

Days of Preparation
If you are familiar with the history of our faith and the scriptures, you may know that the number 40 is spiritually significant and often indicates a time of preparation. For example, Moses spent 40 days and nights on Mount Sinai as he prepared to receive the Law. Isaiah spent 40 days to journey to God’s mountain, Mount Horeb. And after their escape from Egypt, the Israelites spent 40 years wandering in the desert before they came to the promised land. Have you ever thought about those 40 years in the desert?

40 Years in the Desert! … Where was their GPS?
Ok, you may know the story. The children of Israel had been slaves in Egypt for generations. God used Moses (and the 10 plagues) to bring them out of Egypt, performed miracles like parting the Red Sea to get them to safety, and took them to the promised land that eventually became the nation of Israel. The crazy thing is that it took FORTY YEARS for them to get there. Now, geography isn’t my strongest suit, but looking at a globe, it really doesn’t look to me like Israel is quite that far from Egypt.

As it turns out, the 40 year trek should only have taken them eleven days! Can you imagine following God around your whole state, across the USA, through long traffic lights, and flat tires and rain only to end up down the street from where you started? Sure, they didn’t have a GPS, but they were following GOD in the form of a pillar of cloud. What was God doing?

This is Only a Test
In scripture God tells us the people were not ready for the battles ahead. They were slaves, but they needed to be faithful warriors. God took them through forty years of wandering, forty years of relying on him for their next meal of manna, to prepare them for the victories ahead. “God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not.” (Deut 8:2.)  In scripture God says that He disciplines those he loves. (Heb 12:2) Like a loving father, sometimes God takes us the longer route, the more painful route, to prepare us for something.

You see, God had taken the people out of the land of  Egypt. But the 40 years in the desert was to take the Egypt out of their hearts.

A Stiff-Necked People
The culture of Egypt was very much like our American Culture today… they had idols, many gods, pleasures, sin… Although the people of Israel had been freed physically from the land, the bondage of Egypt was still in their hearts. We are often like this, too. Although Christ has freed us through His death and resurrection, our hearts are sometimes still in bondage.

The Israelites are a picture of us – a people who complain, don’t trust, and turn to idols. Our idols probably are not golden calves. We’re more likely to put our faith in popularity, financial security, relationships, or material things. We complain because things are not what we want them to be. We don’t trust in God’s love for us. We numb ourselves through a range of pleasures and comforts so that we don’t have to feel the ache of needing, pain of loving, or the sacrifice of waiting.

Enter the Desert
But the call of the desert is a call to NEW LIFE. We have to be willing to enter into the desert of suffering and trial in order to grow in our faith.  Because there is no life without death. No resurrection without suffering.  This is what we cling to this Lent … Our small sacrifices of chocolate, our addiction to Facebook, and our habits of comfort are designed to remind us that this world is not our home. Our God is greater than our idols and the passing pleasures of this world. We can stand in the desert trusting in the promises to come.

Whatever your desert is, whether your friends have turned on you, your boyfriend or girlfriend has dumped you, you struggle in school, your parents are splitting up, or there just isn’t enough money in your household, Christ will give you the manna, the daily bread, to get through whatever may be going on in your life. Will you CHOOSE to enter into the desert in faith with Christ? He is with you. And so like the Israelites, we walk in confidence through the desert trusting that the new life of Easter awaits.

Of course, you are all saying: “Mary, that is ridiculous! You left a high-paying sales job to do full-time ministry: sleep on gym floors, take long flights, and get paid NOTHING.” Others may try to make a long list of the conferences I have spoken at or the number of teens touched and think: LOOK AT ALL YOU DO!?  But let me tell you something central to this whole equation: everything we “do” means NOTHING if our heart and motivation is not Christ and Christ alone.

Art & Culture: A Catholic perspective

As I watched the 2012 Grammy’s, I was shocked along with many Christians to see Nicki Minaj appearing in a red nun costume with a dancer impersonating the pope. Her stage performance was more “bizarre” than anything, but it upset me to a deep level as I saw holy Catholic priest vestments, altar boys, and a mock exorcism being performed on stage with half naked performers. Minaj is hardly the first artist to attempt such outrageous performances. Lady Gaga’s Alejandro and Judas videos included irreverent use of Christian symbols such as swallowing Rosary beads, donning a latex nun’s habit and portraying Mary Magdalene in a sensual love triangle between Jesus and Judas. My love for God, the Catholic Church, and the young people influenced by these images, all compel me to speak.

What’s all the hype about?

Recently I read a blog claiming that artists like Gaga have a right to express themselves:

“Swallowing Rosary beads and a song about Judas has no bearing on Catholic teaching. She is merely making an artistic expression. The song of Judas was a song comparing type of guys to characters of the bible. This has been done since the beginning of time. Western culture has always used biblical imagery to make artistic expression– there is no need to be offended.”

Ok, now you have my attention…

Art and Culture: The Catholic Response
Do I believe that Godly images should only be found on stained glass windows, museums, and old churches? No.

As Catholics, we know God’s love and power flows beyond church walls into the fabric of our very culture. It is often through the arts that we see God’s presence most powerfully: in music, theater, and art of all forms. So I have no fear in bringing spiritual imagery into secular realms. Our God should be brought within culture. He is the center of art, passion, love, and life. But God comes into culture to transform culture not to be conformed to it. There’s a distinction.

You see, there is a righteous anger and sadness that boils in my heart as I watch artists like Nicki and Gaga on stage: because I just left a conference with 1500 teens worshiping Jesus at Eucharistic adoration, with a priest wearing those SAME holy vestments that Nicki’s dancers are gyrating their crotches against. That rosary that Gaga swallows is the same beads I use to pray for my sick parents.

Images mean something
If I took the constitution of the United States and ripped it up, or if I took a picture of your dying mother and swallowed it, it might offend people. These “images” are not just a piece of cloth, paper or wood of a frame. Just as the images of your family and loved ones are more than merely plastic space holders in your house, these images are sacred to me. I live for the values they represent. I would die for the person, Jesus Christ, whom they proclaim.

If Nicki came out wearing a Jewish Rabbi costume holding the Torah or bowing on an Islamic prayer rug, wouldn’t the world see it as a hate crime? But when it is our Christian or more specifically Catholic beliefs, is it ok?

Responsibility
Don’t get me wrong. I am not standing here demanding censorship like the days of prohibition: burn books and grab pitch forks in rage. I believe in the need for free expression of all types of literature and art that may not even agree with my personal teachings. And we as Catholics should not fear ideas or concepts that contradict our own, because we know for there to be love, there must be FREEDOM. And we embrace freedom knowing that whatever the outcome, God has already won the battle.

But with freedom, comes responsibility…..

In 1999, the Blessed Pope John Paul II wrote a “Letter to the Artist” addressing this need to see their role as gifted creators. JPII claims that all artists have “a special relationship to beauty.” And with this comes a responsibility to serve all of humanity as a whole – “raising us up” to what is good, beautiful and true.

As I look at pop-culture, I see clearly that it falls short of this ideal to say the least. As we feel anger and heartbreak at the mockery of our sacred symbols and truths, I wonder … what then should be our response?

I believe strongly that we are living in a time where to live the true Christian faith will call us to a type of martyrdom. A martyrdom that will demand us to take notice and speak. Because sometimes love means saying no. Sometimes love means fighting for what brings life not death. Sometimes love means not tolerating. And that is a pill not many Americans want to swallow.

The Jesus who loved the broken woman at the well is much easier to accept, than the Jesus who threw tables at those who defiled his temple…or the Jesus that proclaimed that he “did not come for peace but division.” (Lk 12:51) Because there will be a point when standing in love and truth will mean we may have to be divided… So pray for courage, and a tongue filled with love and truth.

Forgive them (and us), Father, for they know not what they do… Pray for our artists and our Church.